New Year’s resolutions are a lost cause as far as I am concerned. I rarely keep up anything I simply “resolve” to do without further thought and planning (which is typically how most of us set resolutions). This year I’ve taken a different approach to goal setting that’s been really successful for me. I identified 12 habits that I am monitoring on a daily basis. As I read in Gretchen Rubin’s excellent book on habits, “Better than Before”, you are far more likely to uphold behaviors that are being monitored closely. Maybe it’s too soon to say but so far it’s been working really well. Much better than a resolution that I am likely to just pronounce and do nothing to deliver on.
One of my habits that I am monitoring is to make an effort to listen to podcasts more often instead of watching mindless TV. There is so much quality content out there in podcasts but there’s always a resistance in me to choose a podcast over TV. Inspired by a method that a friend (Thanks Andrew!) introduced me to called WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle and Plan) from Gabriele Oettingen’s book “Rethinking Positive Thinking”, I decided to explore what obstacles hold me back from choosing to listen to a podcast. I realized that when I’m listening to podcasts my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) takes over and I’m forcing myself to listen to each word, constantly rewinding and replaying sections. Lately, I’ve taken this to the next level of ridiculousness by taking notes. (Of course, the nerd in me had to take over this task and render it unbearable through note taking!)
Just as I was thinking about this, a piece of advice from a new friend (Thanks Rob!) appeared out of thin air (If this was the cartoon version, there would be a big thought bubble above my head at this point) – Be a sieve not a sponge. Apparently this concept has its origins in Jewish Rabbinic literature. What a lovely idea! An approach to life and learning that is based not in scarcity and fear (of missing out or something else) but in faith and trust that you will take in exactly as much information as you need to in the present moment. I needed to hear this. It appeals to my deep desire to free myself from perfectionism.
I am a recovering perfectionist and much of my procrastination stems from the fact that I want everything to be “just right” before I can get to a task. Whether that’s my mood, the workspace or something completely unrelated to the task at hand such as the weather. (And this works both ways – “The weather is great! I don’t want to do this” or “The weather sucks! I don’t want to do this”) Intellectually, I understand that I need to uproot the perfectionism but it’s not that easy to internalize and implement. Because perfectionism is insidious and creeps into your mind before you can see how truly stuck you are in it’s monster grip.
Let me illustrate with an example: After I heard Rob’s sage advice, I had an overwhelming desire to make a sign that reminds me everyday to embrace imperfection. As I saw it, the sign would wake me up when I was chasing perfection and practicing active avoidance of my priorities. It would rescue me from being stuck on making decisions and help me just get on with my tasks. I was satisfied with this idea and decided that this sign would go up in my kitchen. Right then, perfectionism paid me a visit and took control. “I should make a sign after I learn hand lettering online. Then I can make a beautiful sign with my brand new Sakura Micron pens and sketch paper!” You would think that I would have caught this thought pattern and flung it out of the window but nope, I was pretty pleased about this idea for a long time until I realized I had been made a fool, again. I made a sign right then with printer paper and a highlighter.
I don’t expect for this sign to work forever. I also don’t expect to make the choice to be imperfect “always” like the sign says. But I am hopeful that for as long as I notice it in my apartment I will remind myself that good enough is better than perfect.
-Nish=)
Hilde says
Great post, Nisha! Perfectionism is a familiar monster and it often rears its ugly head. But sometimes I like to let it out for a walk. I find it is more docile when I allow it some room – but only when I make the conscious choice to do so. If I let go of the leash, that monster will drag me down a rabbit hole that can take days to crawl out of!
Nishnu says
Hilde! So great to see you here You know I love my metaphors and I simply LOVE your perfectionism monster one. In fact, when I sent Eric a picture of the sign he said, “Always? Isn’t that black and white thinking?” You’re so right – I am going to need to let the monster out every now and then. I think with any so called “negative” tendencies this compassionate approach is likely to work the best. Thanks so much for the comment!
Preethi says
hmm… somehow, I feel “perfection” is a very relative term.. when people say I want things “perfect”, I don’t believe it.. coz, there is never a real ISO standard kind of thing for everything I think we just really have our own standards for everything we do.. for example, doing a pooja might mean doing some n set of things for one, while for other it might mean “n-m” set of things.. but ya, I agree that, sometimes, we would have to stop trying to match up our own set standards simply coz its just impossible to complete all the things we want if we have high standards for everything..
Nishnu says
You’re right .. if you want more out of life the best way to go about it is to ease up on somethings in your life. I think of it this way: Since you mentioned puja I’ll use the same example. I usually do a puja every Thursday with an offering of fruit and flowers. While that’s good .. I tend to skip the puja altogether if I don’t have the time to get fruit or flowers. That’s perfectionism. It’s great to have personal standards most times because we can produce quality results and be proud of our work or creative efforts. But to beat ourselves up for not producing up to “standard” for everything in our lives (like you’ve said) is a pointless exercise. It’s only going to lead to unhappiness. What’s worse is to abandon things we do because we can’t produce perfect results. I see this difference a lot between my husband and me. He will do the best he can and not look back. I will worry about not doing my best and then not do the task at all. Who is better off here?!
hAAthi says
I suffer this affliction too, in some areas. I think sometimes its my laziness or procrastination finding a convenient excuse by hiding in the form of perfection – like I have been procrastinating on pitching for some big assignments because I keep telling myself I need to get my website up first so I have something nice to show and pitch with. Of course getting the website done is a big task, and no reason why everything else should wait :-/
I saw this at the end of last year and I wanted to print it and put it up in my study: https://www.facebook.com/starvingartistfilms/photos/a.146448732129562.30734.141399115967857/898425360265225/?type=3&theater
Nishnu says
Lately I’m forcing myself into situations where my procrastination and perfectionism doesn’t stand a chance. My favorite hack is to tell PK about it because he will nag me till the end of time to make sure I get things done in the time I have and with the information I have on hand. Love that sign.